Paige's Blog – Writer's Block
This blog has been the most difficult to write so far, and for a simple reason: I鈥檓 not inspired.
What to talk about in December? Christmas, obviously; exams and final papers, if I want to hit home the bucketloads of stress which right now are pouring down on all of our heads.
Yesterday I handed in my last essay, and then I went Christmas shopping. It was a lovely feeling because I wasn鈥檛 wearing a backpack for the first time in a very, very long time. Last night I slept, without the dread of a due date lingering on the backs of my eyelids. But in spite of all that, I haven鈥檛 hit the reset button. I鈥檓 not magically stress-free and energized. No, I am still exhausted, and I still have writer鈥檚 block. Can you tell? Do my sentences feel a little sloth-like? They do to me.
But, Paige. You鈥檙e in English (sort of)! Didn鈥檛 you come to university to write papers?
This is the reality of this time of year. Maybe once I鈥檓 no longer a student, I鈥檒l still be suffering burnout, but instead because I鈥檒l have time to do all the holiday activities and I鈥檒l drive my body to the breaking point with baking, shopping, visiting friends, planning gifts.
I can鈥檛 make that sound bad. It sounds so much better than writing papers.
But, Paige. You鈥檙e in English (sort of)! Didn鈥檛 you come to university to write papers?
Yes. Yes, I did. And I don鈥檛 know what I was thinking.
If this blog seems like a downer, you should see my first draft. It drips with bitterness. It seems that being uninspired also makes it difficult to be inspiring.
I should be inspiring, because I know that around the corner from now, all the emotional and mental drainage of these two weeks will be a distant memory. I go through this every year. Shouldn鈥檛 I be treasuring this, my last December as a 杏吧原创 undergrad? Shouldn鈥檛 I be waxing nostalgic about the last sleepless nights and the curative red Starbucks cup?
I can鈥檛. This is the part of university that I will not miss, but it鈥檚 also (I suggest) one of the more universal experiences. Every time I think I鈥檝e hit my limit, I see the circles under someone else鈥檚 eyes and know that I鈥檓 not alone.
Can you have an existential crisis if everyone else is, too? Asking for a friend.
Happy Holidays! I鈥檒l see you on the other side.