Being 'Proactive' on Reading Week
I swear I had good intentions for this reading week. I was going to get through three novels and maybe start at least one of the four research papers that will be fast approaching as soon as March rolls around. I told myself and my quickly declining bank account that I was going to hunt for the perfect summer job and revamp my CV to sell myself as the ideal candidate. But alas, here I am on Sunday afternoon of what I hope will be my last reading week of undergrad, with a few too many items left unchecked on the illusory checklist.
The work that I did manage to get done was due the first day back, so I like to tell myself that I鈥檓 just living in the moment, not wasting my time worrying about what the future holds for me, because everyone knows you can鈥檛 control that. Try as I may to be proactive to get ahead of my work, instead of the work getting ahead of me, it鈥檚 just not going to happen. It didn鈥檛 happen in the first three and half years of my degree, and it鈥檚 certainly not going to happen in the last two months of it (cue excitement/fear at the prospect of being done my degree in LESS THAN TWO MONTHS!).
I definitely understand the importance of time management, and I鈥檓 not the type to be writing a paper the night before it鈥檚 due, but I鈥檝e come to the conclusion that there is beauty in living in the moment鈥攖ry as hard as you may to plan and organize your life away, at some point there is only so much you can control. Which brings me to what I have been doing this reading week while not doing my readings.
When I wasn鈥檛 binge-watching Veronica Mars episodes in preparation for the movie鈥檚 release in a few weeks, I was contemplating what to do with my life after June鈥檚 long-anticipated graduation. Both my roommate and I have taken an extra year to complete our undergrad degree, and we couldn鈥檛 be more excited about finally crossing that stage after five years! Conversations over the past week have often turned to the topic of 鈥榳here will we be in September鈥? We have yet to come up with a conclusive answer to that elusive question, but that鈥檚 the beauty of change鈥攜ou never know what to expect.
I feel like a fraud as an English student whenever I tell people that I am not a fan of poetry, and I鈥檝e never had a favourite poem or a favourite poet, but what I do have is a favourite quote from a poet, and that鈥檚 the best I can offer. While living abroad I stumbled upon a quote by e. e. cummings that really resonated with me and has stuck with me ever since; 鈥淚t takes courage to grow up and become who you really are鈥. He just put how I feel about life right now, so well.
The closer I get to graduation, the more I realize just how much courage it takes to actually make life decisions. The real world, as I like to call life after education, is a scary place, and I鈥檓 not sure whether or not I am ready. Which is likely why I鈥檝e decided to postpone the inevitable by pursuing a Masters degree. Despite this fear of the unknown, I鈥檓 excited to see where I鈥檒l be come September, and I鈥檓 definitely ready for a change. Since my plans to be proactive and get ahead of my work during reading week fell through and left me disappointed in my inactivity I鈥檓 going to embrace the unknown. I鈥檒l take solace in knowing that my future is in the hands of the faculty and staff of the schools and organizations that now hold my Masters and Grant applications. It鈥檚 out of my control now, and I鈥檒l just keep telling myself that I鈥檓 ok with that until I finally believe it.