Grad Student Blogs Archives - Mental Health and Well-being Research and Training Hub /mental-health/category/grad-student-blogs/ 杏吧原创 University Thu, 12 Mar 2026 16:32:02 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.9.4 Thriving Through Change: Adjusting to Life as a University Student By Madelyn Cook /mental-health/2026/thriving-through-change-adjusting-to-life-as-a-university-student-by-madelyn-cook/ Thu, 12 Mar 2026 16:32:01 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3321 Thriving Through Change: Adjusting to Life as a University Student By Madelyn Cook University is a time filled with major life transitions, whether it is moving away from home, meeting new people, managing academic expectations, or determining future career paths, we, as students, are overwhelmed with many changes all at once. While these transitions can […]

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Thriving Through Change: Adjusting to Life as a University Student By Madelyn Cook

Thriving Through Change: Adjusting to Life as a University Student

By Madelyn Cook

University is a time filled with major life transitions, whether it is moving away from home, meeting new people, managing academic expectations, or determining future career paths, we, as students, are overwhelmed with many changes all at once. While these transitions can be exciting and full of opportunity, from my experience, this is a time that can also feel stressful and demanding. Learning how to adapt to change is an important skill that helps students grow both academically and personally. Three key strategies that I found helped me adjust to life’s transitions during this challenging time were: building social support systems, creating a new routine and reframing how I viewed the transition itself.

Building a strong support system is a key factor for navigating transitions of any kind successfully. During times of change it’s easy to feel isolated or disconnected, especially for someone moving away from home like myself. Staying in touch with family, maintaining friendships and forming new connections on campus can make a significant difference in your mental health and the stability of change. Within the first few weeks of University, even though I was uncomfortable and nervous, I pushed myself to attend residence and greater campus events. What I found out is that they ultimately created a space for me to make connections with people I’m still friends with today in my fourth year! Through this, I created a foundation of people I could reach out to during stressful periods which made things feel more manageable and reminded me I was not alone.

I worked hard to develop a healthy routine; after some trial and error, that seemed to work best for me. Creating this balance allowed me to have a sense of control and created stability during times that felt uncertain and scary. With my new university schedule being less structured than in high school, I had to manage my time differently. I established habits like setting aside time for studying, building in physical activity regularly and ensuring that I got enough sleep (which was hard)! This helped with both my productivity and mental health. I also built in time for gratitude; in fact, I began a gratitude wall where every day I wrote one thing on a sticky note that I was grateful for and posted it on the wall in my room. Some days there were more things than others and some days gratitude was simply just the sun in the sky. My gratitude wall is something I have continued throughout my time at 杏吧原创 repeating each year. Establishing even these small routines provided me with a sense of control and predictability that helped me feel secure during this transition.

Practicing self-compassion during periods of stress can be challenging. Many of us place intense pressure on ourselves to perform academically while also balancing social lives, new responsibilities and personal challenges. I believe it is important to remember that no one can handle all transitions perfectly or be immune to the challenges or emotions that come with them. Mistakes, setbacks, and moments of doubt are all part of the learning process, and building resilience to become who you are meant to be individually. It is important to remember to be patient and kind with oneself and recognize personal growth to help reduce stress and build confidence.

Seeking help when everything feels too much is an essential part of adjusting. There are many amazing wellness services and resources on campus at 杏吧原创 including access to academic advisors, counseling services, tutoring programs and career guidance. I wish I had taken advantage of these opportunities more often throughout my years at 杏吧原创. These valuable supports allow students the chance to figure out the right direction with guidance. It is important to remember that asking for help isn鈥檛 weakness, but rather a commitment to learning and evolving.

Maintaining a true sense of perspective can help navigate transitions with ease. When I am feeling overwhelmed, I turn to my support system. My mom still encourages me to think of university in small pieces: in the whole scheme of life, every test, every assignment, and every day are all brief parts in a much larger life journey. While certain challenges may feel overwhelming in the moment, many of them will eventually become valuable learning experiences. Staying open to growth, building supportive relationships, and caring for your well-being can turn life transitions into amazing opportunities for personal development.

Adjusting to change is rarely an easy task; although, it is a meaningful part of the university experience. Through patience, support and self-awareness, you can not only survive these transitions but you can thrive through them. I will leave you with something else my mom always says to me when I feel overwhelmed鈥 鈥淗ow do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.鈥

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What Really Helps People Reach Their Goals? By Mike Sullivan /mental-health/2026/what-really-helps-people-reach-their-goals-by-mike-sullivan/ Wed, 11 Mar 2026 17:37:53 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3318 What Really Helps People Reach Their Goals? By Mike Sullivan Teaser: You might be wrong about why you don鈥檛 reach your goals鈥攊t鈥檚 probably not your personality. Have you ever noticed that you easily achieve some of your goals but fail miserably to make any progress on others? Or maybe it feels like you鈥檙e bad at […]

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What Really Helps People Reach Their Goals? By Mike Sullivan

What Really Helps People Reach Their Goals?

By Mike Sullivan

Teaser: You might be wrong about why you don鈥檛 reach your goals鈥攊t鈥檚 probably not your personality.

Have you ever noticed that you easily achieve some of your goals but fail miserably to make any progress on others? Or maybe it feels like you鈥檙e bad at achieving any goal you set? These feelings are common because most people struggle to achieve their goals.

We often assume that we鈥檙e the problem. 鈥淚 never achieve what I set out to do because I鈥檓 lazy.鈥 鈥淚 gave up on my goal to get straight A鈥檚 because I鈥檓 not very smart.鈥 Thankfully, recent research from our lab shows these explanations matter much less than people think, and other factors like motivation and planning play much larger roles.

To find out what really helps people achieve their goals, our lab spent years systematically reviewing the scientific research. We collected all relevant studies (over 300!) and put them into a massive spreadsheet so we could identify common factors that help people achieve their goals. A few clear patterns emerged:

  1. Many factors influence whether people achieve their goals鈥攂ut most play pretty small roles.
  2. Personality factors (e.g., how energetic, hardworking, and emotionally stable you are compared to other people) tend to matter much less than people think.
  3. The kind of motivation you have for your goals is important. People are more likely to achieve goals that are personally meaningful, valuable, and enjoyable compared to goals they feel like they should or have to pursue.
  4. The amount of effort you put into your goal makes a big difference. This may seem obvious, but it鈥檚 worth stating explicitly. You are far more likely to achieve your goals when you work consistently toward them.
  5. Planning is underrated. If you are struggling with one of your goals, try using an if-then plan. For example, if you want to lift weights five times a week, your if-then plan could be: if I get home on a weekday before 6:00 PM, then I鈥檒l immediately go to the gym.
  6. It鈥檚 harder to achieve your goals if you鈥檙e not feeling well. Prioritizing rest and other healthy habits makes achieving your goals a lot more likely. 聽聽

So that鈥檚 it, a brief overview of what five years of research tells us will help people achieve their goals.

Next time you notice that you鈥檙e struggling with one of your goals, consider coming back to this list. Remember that even if you鈥檙e in a negative headspace, there鈥檚 a lot you can control. Ask yourself: is this really a goal I personally care about? Am I working hard enough to achieve it? When you stumble, try an if-then plan. And do your best to maintain healthy habits and a balanced life so you can put in a lot of effort to achieve your goal.

Good luck!

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When Money Becomes Part of Your Identity By Isabella R. L. Bossom and Sarah Enouy /mental-health/2026/when-money-becomes-part-of-your-identity-by-isabella-r-l-bossom-and-sarah-enouy/ Tue, 10 Mar 2026 21:12:25 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3313 When Money Becomes Part of Your IdentityBy Isabella R. L. Bossom1 & Sarah Enouy2 Why do some people tie their self-worth so closely to money? Personality may play an important role. Most people care about their finances. Money affects where we live, the opportunities available to us, and how secure we feel. But for some […]

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When Money Becomes Part of Your Identity By Isabella R. L. Bossom and Sarah Enouy

When Money Becomes Part of Your Identity
By Isabella R. L. Bossom1 & Sarah Enouy2

Why do some people tie their self-worth so closely to money? Personality may play an important role.

Most people care about their finances. Money affects where we live, the opportunities available to us, and how secure we feel. But for some people, financial success becomes central to their identity. This is called having a financially focused self-concept.

A financially focused self-concept can have consequences. People who strongly base their self-worth on money are more likely to engage in risky financial behaviours, such as gambling or hiding financial decisions from their partners.

Personality Traits

Some personality traits are more common among people who place a strong emphasis on money and status. Traits associated with the Dark Triad (i.e., Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy) include tendencies such as manipulation, self-centeredness, and a lack of empathy.

People who score higher on these traits may be more likely to see wealth as a sign of power or success. As a result, financial success can become an important way of validating their self-worth. For example, people who are more manipulative, impulsive, or distrustful of others may place greater importance on money and status.

Narcissism may also influence how people relate to money. People high in grandiose narcissism often see themselves as superior and deserving of admiration. Wealth and status can reinforce this image. At the same time, people high in vulnerable narcissism may feel insecure and sensitive to criticism. For them, financial success may help provide reassurance or validation.

Another trait linked to financial focus is honesty-humility, which reflects sincerity, fairness, modesty, and a lack of interest in wealth and status. People who score lower on honesty-humility, especially those who value luxury, status, and personal gain, may be more likely to base their self-worth on money.

Valuing financial success is not necessarily a problem. However, when money becomes the main way someone judges their self-worth, it can narrow how they see themselves and what they value in life.

Why This Matters

Understanding the personality traits linked to a financially focused self-concept can help explain why some people develop an especially strong focus on money. It may also help explain why this mindset is sometimes connected to risky financial behaviours.

When financial success becomes only one part of a broader sense of identity, alongside relationships, personal values, and well-being, people may be less likely to experience distress when financial goals are not met.

For Further Reading

Bossom, I. R. L*., Enouy, S*., Blais, J., Wohl, M. J. A., Pruysers, S., & Tabri, N. (2026). Explaining unique and common variance in financially focused self-concept from Dark Triad and honesty-humility personality traits using commonality analyses. International Journal of Psychology, 61(2), e70196. 10.1002/ijop.70196.

1Isabella is a former MeWeRTH student member (2020-2022) and was supported by a Mental Health and Well-Being Research Training Hub Grant (2021).

2Sarah is a current MeWeRTH student member.

*Isabella and Sarah share first authorship

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Three ways talking about sex can improve your relationship: An infographic by Gabi Carriere /mental-health/2026/three-ways-talking-about-sex-can-improve-your-relationship-an-infographic-by-gabi-carriere/ Tue, 10 Mar 2026 19:36:23 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3304 The post Three ways talking about sex can improve your relationship: An infographic by Gabi Carriere appeared first on Mental Health and Well-being Research and Training Hub.

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Three ways talking about sex can improve your relationship: An infographic by Gabi Carriere

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Solitude: Your Secret to Better Sleep By Natasha Barrows /mental-health/2026/solitude-your-secret-to-better-sleep-by-natasha-barrows/ Wed, 04 Mar 2026 21:29:52 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3298 Solitude: Your Secret to Better Sleep By Natasha Barrows Loneliness keeps people awake at night, but chosen solitude? It might just be the quietest path to deeper sleep. The best sleep I’ve had in months didn’t come from perfect routines 鈥 it came from finally embracing evenings alone. Student days are full: classes, group messages, […]

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Solitude: Your Secret to Better Sleep By Natasha Barrows

Solitude: Your Secret to Better Sleep

By Natasha Barrows

Loneliness keeps people awake at night, but chosen solitude? It might just be the quietest path to deeper sleep. The best sleep I’ve had in months didn’t come from perfect routines 鈥 it came from finally embracing evenings alone.

Student days are full: classes, group messages, constant notifications, assignments that never quite feel finished, part-time jobs, volunteering, and connecting with family and friends. By evening, my mind often stays in high gear, replaying the day or jumping ahead to tomorrow. I tried the standard sleep advice 鈥 no blue light, no late caffeine, phone on silent 鈥 but I鈥檇 still find myself in bed with thoughts circling or scrolling longer than intended. What鈥檚 made the biggest difference lately is something simpler: setting aside time for deliberate solitude before bed.

The research supports this observation. Loneliness is reliably linked to poorer sleep quality: longer time to fall asleep, more frequent awakenings, and feeling less restored even after a full night. Studies with university students show that loneliness elevates cortisol levels, increases bedtime rumination, and contributes to habits like delaying sleep with screens. Chosen solitude, by contrast, has the opposite effect. When it鈥檚 voluntary and peaceful, not isolation from rejection or avoidance, it reduces physiological arousal, quiets mental chatter, and helps the nervous system ease into rest. It creates a natural buffer against the day鈥檚 overstimulation.

From the solitude literature I鈥檝e explored and from noticing my own patterns, peaceful alone time gives the brain a chance to step back from constant input. Social interactions, group chats, and pings keep attention directed outward and keep arousal elevated. A dedicated period of low-stimulation solitude allows that mental noise to settle, making it easier to transition to sleep without the usual struggle.

In my routine now, I aim to protect 30鈥45 minutes most evenings for quiet, device-free time. No texting, no background audio, no multitasking. I might read a few pages of a book, write a few thoughts in a notebook, or simply rest in the stillness. Nothing elaborate or goal-oriented; the purpose is to keep things minimal and free of social demands. That gentle buffer lets the day unwind. When I go to bed afterward, my mind feels less crowded, and sleep comes more readily 鈥 no more spiraling into racing thoughts.

Of course, it鈥檚 not perfect every night. If I skip those quiet evenings 鈥 late study sessions, watching late night hockey games 鈥 I notice the difference the next morning: more restlessness, heavier fatigue. But when I consistently make space for that solitude, my sleep feels deeper and more refreshing.

This isn鈥檛 about withdrawing from people. If alone time ever begins to feel isolating or draining rather than restorative, that鈥檚 a signal to reach out. The aim is balance: using chosen solitude as a practical way to protect rest and mental clarity, not as a means of avoiding connection.

These intentional pockets of quiet have become one of the most effective, understated ways I鈥檝e found to improve my sleep. In a world that rarely pauses, giving myself permission to pause has made evenings more peaceful and mornings noticeably brighter.

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Is It Normal to Miss Your Addiction? By Gray Gaudett /mental-health/2026/is-it-normal-to-miss-your-addiction-by-gray-gaudett/ Thu, 26 Feb 2026 16:46:46 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3290 By Gray Gaudett What you crave may matter more to recovery than experiencing cravings itself. Cravings are a normal part of recovery, and learning how to cope with them is a common part of the recovery process. Often, this means planning ahead and avoiding situations, such as going to a bar, that remind you of […]

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Is It Normal to Miss Your Addiction? By Gray Gaudett

Is It Normal to Miss Your Addiction?

By Gray Gaudett

What you crave may matter more to recovery than experiencing cravings itself.

Cravings are a normal part of recovery, and learning how to cope with them is a common part of the recovery process. Often, this means planning ahead and avoiding situations, such as going to a bar, that remind you of your addiction.

But not all cravings come from external triggers. Sometimes cravings are sparked by memories of your addiction鈥攅xperiences you cannot simply plan to avoid or walk away from. This can result in something even more confusing: cravings can make you miss your addiction.

Why does this happen? The answer might be nostalgia.

How Do Cravings Impact Recovery?

Cravings are often explained in two ways. The first is that they arise from withdrawal, or the discomfort that shows up when reducing or stopping your addiction. In this sense, craving is about wanting relief from unpleasant symptoms. But this explanation only goes so far. It does not explain why cravings can show up long after withdrawal has passed or why people who have behavioural addictions, such as gambling, can experience cravings.

Another way of understanding cravings is to see them as being driven by rewards, such as the excitement, euphoria, or relief linked to your addiction. Certain thoughts, memories, or feelings can bring these 鈥渞ewards鈥 to mind, triggering cravings even when you know the behaviour is harmful. This can feel confusing: you know why you are in recovery, but part of you might still long for these 鈥減ositive鈥 aspects of your addiction.

There might be another way to think of cravings. Craving can make emotionally charged memories of your addiction resurface, and these emotions might be what give cravings power.

Missing Your Addiction

One emotion that may arise from cravings is nostalgia (a sentimental longing for your addiction). Nostalgia is often talked about as a helpful emotion, and sometimes it is. Remembering who you were before your addiction can motivate recovery. But nostalgia is not always helpful. Missing your addiction itself鈥攈ow it felt, social connections, or feeling a sense of purpose鈥攃an make relapse feel tempting.

How do Cravings and Nostalgia Impact Recovery?

We wanted to know how craving and nostalgia influence each other, and how this impacts recovery. We found that there is a reciprocal relation between craving and nostalgia. When participants experienced cravings, they were also more likely to feel nostalgic for their addiction. When participants felt nostalgic for their addiction, they often experienced stronger cravings. In other words, there seems to be a reciprocal relation between gambling and craving that can make staying on the recovery path challenging.

Planning for Success

Craving can elicit nostalgia for the addiction, which can make recovery challenging. To stay on track, recovery can include noticing when these memories arise, challenging idealized views of the past, and reframing them. Recovery plans that address both craving and nostalgia can help strengthen recovery commitment and reduce risk of relapse.

For further reading

Gaudett, G. E., Tabri, N., Stefaniak, A., Sedikides, C., Wildschut, T., & Wohl, M. J. A. (under initial review). Future desires, past longings: Craving and nostalgia as mutual reinforcing factors that undermine recovery. Journal of Psychopathology and Clinical Science.

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You Have the Right to Remain Silent… Or Do You? By Roshni Sohail /mental-health/2026/you-have-the-right-to-remain-silent-or-do-you-by-roshni-sohail/ Thu, 12 Feb 2026 22:32:42 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3246 You Have the Right to Remain Silent… Or Do You? Why some Canadians might need a refresher on their legal rights and what you need to know if you are ever questioned by police. By Roshni Sohail When you are arrested for a crime, you must be told your legal rights before the police can […]

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You Have the Right to Remain Silent… Or Do You? By Roshni Sohail

You Have the Right to Remain Silent… Or Do You?

Why some Canadians might need a refresher on their legal rights and what you need to know if you are ever questioned by police.

By Roshni Sohail

When you are arrested for a crime, you must be told your legal rights before the police can question you. It seems straightforward 鈥 you have the right to silence and to legal counsel. But did you know that a vast majority of Canadians don’t understand their legal rights? Without fully understanding their rights, people may not be making decisions in their best interest and are not being given the full protection of the law.

Hollywood has made Miranda warnings issued by police famous (think, 鈥測ou have the right to remain silent… anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law…鈥). Shows like Criminal Minds and Law and Order feature scenes with lengthy interrogations, sometimes with lawyers present to guide their clients, telling them when to shut up, and storming out of the room after declaring 鈥渕y client doesn鈥檛 have to answer that鈥. In Canada, most of these things don鈥檛 happen. There is no standard way for police to deliver cautions (rights) to people detained 鈥 some organizations simply state them out loud, others might provide them in writing, some may use language that is easy to understand, whereas others may not (what is a 鈥渄uty counsel鈥 anyway?), and some may read off a list of rapid-fire statements and end it with 鈥渄o you understand?鈥, while others may pause after every statement and check whether you understood what was said. Also, police do not have tell you about your

right to remain silent, you do not have a right to have a lawyer in the room while you are being questioned, and police questioning does not stop if you declare 鈥淣o comment!鈥.

With the mixed messages from American TV and no clear rules for how police should tell us our rights, no wonder Canadians are unsure of what their legal rights are and what they should be doing to stay protected during police questioning. So, what do you need to know when you are questioned by police? Remember the acronym: SLAP.

S 鈥 you have a right to Silence.

L 鈥 you have a right to speak to a Lawyer right away (your own or a free one).

A 鈥 Anything you say can be used as evidence against you.

P 鈥 the police cannot make any Promises or threats to get you to speak.

If that鈥檚 too much to remember, the single greatest piece of advice I have is to STAY SILENT.

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Who needs a best friend when you have a best bot? By Tiffany Cheng /mental-health/2026/who-needs-a-best-friend-when-you-have-a-best-bot-by-tiffany-cheng/ Wed, 11 Feb 2026 14:42:16 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3243 Who needs a best friend when you have a best bot? By Tiffany Cheng Can AI relationships replace human connections? You鈥檙e sitting in a classroom, the teacher has filled the board with weird symbols and might as well be speaking another language as they explain matrix algebra but you know The Matrix as a popular […]

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Who needs a best friend when you have a best bot? By Tiffany Cheng

Who needs a best friend when you have a best bot?

By Tiffany Cheng

Can AI relationships replace human connections?

You鈥檙e sitting in a classroom, the teacher has filled the board with weird symbols and might as well be speaking another language as they explain matrix algebra but you know The Matrix as a popular movie from 1999 and algebra is supposed to be x = 2 + 5. You don鈥檛 know what鈥檚 going on but you want to, you swallow your fear, raise your hand and ask a question. You can barely hear the instructor鈥檚 answer, let alone understand it as your heart throbs in your ears – your peers are staring at you. After their detailed explanation you still don鈥檛 get it, you ask another, smaller question and they answer that too but there鈥檚 no eureka moment, you鈥檙e just as lost as before. The teacher wants to move on and so does the class. 鈥淒oes that make sense now?鈥 you nod, smile politely and open up ChatGPT to write: Explain matrix algebra to me like I am five years old鈥

This is a common experience for most students today and it extends beyond the classroom. As artificial intelligence (AI) and chatbots have improved, people have begun to turn to AI in place of humans. ChatGPT and other chatbots have been increasingly used to supplement daily tasks, work, and even act as sources of emotional support and advice. Some people have even gone as far as to form relationships with AI, using chatbots as romantic partners, friends, and advisors. There is a lot of fear of AI chatbots replacing authentic human to human relationships due to their accessibility and capacity to simulate humanity but much empirical research. To address this gap, my research aims to examine how people are forming relationships with AI chatbots and the implications of AI-human relationships.

The first step towards this goal is to capture the ways people may form relationships with AI chatbots and compare it to human relationships. To effectively compare human-human and AI-human relationships, we will measure how chatbots compare on relationship satisfaction and quality. Relationship researchers have found that relationship satisfaction and quality can be captured by measuring performance on six 鈥渇riendship functions鈥: stimulating companionship, help, intimacy, reliable alliance, self-validation, and emotional security. Stimulating companionship is whether you can have fun with the other person, help is whether the other can provide guidance, assistance, or other forms of aid, intimacy is the ability to be vulnerable and sensitive with each other, reliable alliance is the other鈥檚 availability and loyal to you, self-validation is how much they reassure and validate you and finally, emotional security is the other鈥檚 ability to provide a sense of comfort and confidence in threatening or new situations. Altogether these have been able to reliably measure relationship satisfaction and positive outcomes from that satisfaction in human-human friendships. They have not been explored in AI-human relationships but if people are truly starting to believe AI can act as their friend and confident, maybe the way we examine AI chatbots in research should be less as a tool and more as a human.

Referenced Works

Mendelson, M. J., & Aboud, F. E. (1999). Measuring friendship quality in late adolescents and young adults: McGill Friendship Questionnaires. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science / Revue Canadienne Des Sciences Du Comportement, 31(2), 130鈥 132. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0087080

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The Shy Coaching the Shy By Megan DeGroot /mental-health/2026/the-shy-coaching-the-shy-by-megan-degroot/ Tue, 10 Feb 2026 19:55:46 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3241 The Shy Coaching the Shy By Megan DeGroot Believe it or not, shyness does not always end in childhood. If you were lucky enough to grow out of your shyness (or, even luckier, have never experienced shyness at all), you鈥檝e probably come across adult friends, family members, or colleagues who are shy. These individuals likely […]

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The Shy Coaching the Shy By Megan DeGroot

The Shy Coaching the Shy

By Megan DeGroot

Believe it or not, shyness does not always end in childhood.

If you were lucky enough to grow out of your shyness (or, even luckier, have never experienced shyness at all), you鈥檝e probably come across adult friends, family members, or colleagues who are shy. These individuals likely appear quiet, reserved, or even self-conscious when they are around other people, especially people they do not know well. Have you considered, though, how these individuals fare in their day-to-day lives, particularly in their jobs?

Recently, my graduate supervisor and I conducted a research study that attempted to determine how shy youth sports coaches perceive the youth that they work with. To do this study, we sent out an online survey to sports organizations across Canada. Over 400 adults with experience coaching youth sports filled out the survey, which asked a variety of questions about their personality and how they would respond to and perceive different types of youth athletes. We specifically focused on the differences in how coaches perceive shy and talkative athletes, given that these two types of kids behave very differently.

What we found was that shy coaches, compared to coaches who are not shy, were more likely to worry about both shy and talkative athletes. They also were more likely to believe that both kinds of athletes would experience problems with their teammates, such as being excluded or ignored. Finally, and I think most interestingly, shy coaches were more likely to feel that they are not prepared to deal with either shy or talkative athletes.

These findings tell us that shy coaches may be more tuned-in to the potential problems that can come with being a shy or overly talkative kid. This could be because, as a shy person themselves, they鈥檝e likely experienced some of these problems. People who are shy also tend to struggle with their self-confidence, which may explain why these coaches said that they did not feel prepared to deal with shy or talkative athletes.

So, what can be done to help these shy coaches? As with most things, practice makes progress. Simply making an effort to work directly with both shy and talkative kids can boost these coaches鈥 confidence and problem-solving abilities. There is also the tried-and-true idea of 鈥渇ake it 鈥榯ill you make it鈥. That is, shy coaches may be able to boost their confidence just by pretending that they are already confident in their abilities to coach shy and talkative athletes.

It is important to note that shyness is not a personality flaw. It is simply a different way of perceiving and experiencing the world. Shy coaches have the unique advantage of being able to relate to and understand shy athletes, which can make them the best kind of person to support these kids. Sometimes, understanding is what is most important.

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The Power of Saying No, Even When You REALLY Want to Say Yes: A University Student Perspective by Madelyn Cook /mental-health/2026/the-power-of-saying-no-even-when-you-really-want-to-say-yes-a-university-student-perspective-by-madelyn-cook/ Thu, 05 Feb 2026 20:18:34 +0000 /mental-health/?p=3225 The Power of Saying No, Even When You REALLY Want to Say Yes: A University Student Perspective As a university student, life often demands that we take on multiple roles at the same time. In addition to academics, many of us balance part-time employment, family obligations, and the maintenance of social relationships. For me, between […]

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The Power of Saying No, Even When You REALLY Want to Say Yes: A University Student Perspective by Madelyn Cook

The Power of Saying No, Even When You REALLY Want to Say Yes: A University Student Perspective

As a university student, life often demands that we take on multiple roles at the same time. In addition to academics, many of us balance part-time employment, family obligations, and the maintenance of social relationships. For me, between lectures, assignments, work, family and social outings, my schedule is packed. As someone with a personality that wants to make everyone happy, suddenly, I find myself saying 鈥榶es鈥 to everything, even when I don’t actually have the time or energy.

For a long time, I thought that saying 鈥榶es鈥 meant I was being kind, responsible and dependable. I would say 鈥榶es鈥 to extra tasks at work, 鈥榶es鈥 to helping a friend at the last minute, and 鈥榶es鈥 to a social outing even when I knew I had deadlines creeping up. I thought it would make me look like a better employee, friend or student. Though this approach was socially rewarding in the short term, it became increasingly unsustainable the more I took on. At surface level, I was good at managing everything, but in reality I felt constantly stressed, exhausted and quietly resentful; often letting myself down because I did not have the capacity to complete things the way I really wanted to.

It was not until a manager took the time to sit with me and acknowledge my eagerness to take on extra responsibilities, while also reminding me there were others on my team that were capable of stepping up as well, that I truly understood the value of balance. I learned that burnout is real and that learning to say 鈥榥o鈥 can be an act of courage as opposed to being seen as a weakness.

This is when I started to realize the power of saying 鈥榥o鈥. I recognized that saying 鈥榥o鈥 did not mean that I was lazy or selfish or uncaring, it meant that I was aware of my limits. As students, we are juggling a lot. School alone can be a full-time commitment and many of us also work to support ourselves. When we ignore our capacity limits and keep overcommitting, something eventually suffers; our mental health, our grades, our relationships or other areas of our lives.

Learning to say 鈥榥o鈥 has been a journey of exploring my personal values of growth, honesty and balance. When I say 鈥榶es鈥 to something that completely drains me or takes time away from my priorities, I am acting against those values. When I set boundaries, like not taking on extra tasks at work during exam week or asking to push a social plan back an extra day, I am acting in a way that is consistent with who I want to be.

For me, setting boundaries was uncomfortable at first, especially as someone who considers herself a people pleaser. There was often guilt attached, and a fear of disappointing others. What I have learned however, is that disappointing myself and not being able to give 110% to every task or be fully present in every moment is far more damaging. Clear boundaries have

made my relationships healthier; people know what to expect and know I can show up more present and more genuine when I truly have the capacity to. People understand that I am saying 鈥榥o鈥 because it is a healthy option for me at that moment.

One of the biggest lessons I continue to learn is that saying 鈥榥o鈥 to one thing is often saying 鈥榶es鈥 to something else. I am saying 鈥榶es鈥 to my well-being, 鈥榶es鈥 to my goals or 鈥榶es鈥 to a rest, (and rest isn’t a reward but a requirement)!

University has been a time of growth, not just academically, but personally. Learning to say 鈥榥o鈥 and to set boundaries to live in accordance with my values is a skillset that will follow me long after graduation. I am still figuring it all out and I don’t always get it right, but every time I choose honesty over obligation I feel a little more grounded, a little more fulfilled and A LOT more like myself.

By: Madelyn Cook

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