An especially exciting part about getting my Canadian citizenship is the free access I get to museums and art galleries for a year. I fully made use of this access over the winter break, during which I visited three museums in a week.

: Science museums are usually the best museums to visit because everything is so hands-on. The Ontario Science Centre takes the prize for best science museum visited so far (sorry, Ottawa). Even my thirteen-year-old sister, who is at that point where her room is the best possible place she can be, thoroughly enjoyed herself.

The exhibits at the museum had lots of games to demonstrate the science. To explain the Schrodingerā€™s Cat theory, there was a version of the game ā€œAngry Birds.ā€ Instead of launching birds, you launch cats. Each level applied quantum theories to how you could launch the cat. In one level, for example, you launch a cat in a box. While the box is in the air, you tap it, and the cat may come out either dead or alive.

A much-appreciated exhibit in the cold December weather was in ā€œThe Living Earthā€ section. You enter a space that simulates a rainforest, complete with heat and humidity! But one of the highlights is a whimsical display of sculptures made out of found objects. Each sculpture has a wacky name, like ā€œFlying Tea Machine.ā€

: This museum opened a few weeks after I moved to Canada, and has been on my go-to list ever since. The free entry was enough to convince my mum to drive me out there.

I felt a sense of familiarity in the Aga Khan Museum. I remembered names like Mahmud of Ghazni, Muhammad bin Qasim, and Avicenna from my history classes in Pakistan. The stunning calligraphy showed how different Arabic scripts developed, including Persian, which influenced Urdu, Pakistanā€™s national language. Another point of resonance was the Shia and Sufi influences in the calligraphy. My familyā€™s sect of Islam is under Shiā€™ism, and Iā€™ve never seen the branch in this sort of spotlight before (given that Pakistan has a Sunni majority).

The Aga Khan Museum was an especially cool place to visit because I was seeing things that I had only seen in textbooks on display. One of these artifacts was a standard used in a battle in Islamic history. I had memorized that Hazrat Ali (nephew of the Prophet Muhammad) was renowned for his strength, and his service as standard-bearer was proof of it. I pictured the standard as a lightweight flag, and never questioned why one would need strength to carry one. The standard in the Aga Khan Museum was like a metal sculpture, with intricate calligraphy carved into it.

Almost two months after visiting the Aga Khan Museum, I still canā€™t forget the awe and wonder of the exhibits I experienced there. The visit has inspired me to start a project involving a study of the Mughals.

: The AGO was the last museum/gallery I visited. Iā€™ve been here before, but the architecture of the place always makes me marvel at its beauty. The galleryā€™s special exhibition showcases the work of Mickalene Thomas.

Thomasā€™s paintings include different types of materials. She embeds rhinestones in a lot of her work, making it very striking. The exhibit, titled ā€˜Femmes noires,ā€™ puts black women in the spotlight.

In Thomasā€™s ā€œliving-room installations,ā€ she arranged couches and piles of books by black authors. I recognized a number of names from classes, including Nervous Conditions by Tsitsi Dangarembga, A Small Place by Jamaica Kincaid, and Washington Black by Esi Edugyan.

This exhibit was a great way to invite people to sit down and absorb the installations while also giving them something to do in the form of reading the books. The common ā€œDo Not Touchā€ rule in art galleries can also create tentativeness in visitors. Turning this on its head by encouraging people to ā€œtouch the artworkā€ made this a very comfortable space to explore.

These museums are all larger-than-life, and the time needed to go through each one thoroughly surpassed the energy I had each day. Iā€™m still thinking about the exhibits at each museum, and they continue to influence my literary and artistic work.

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On December 31^st, 2018, I asked my friends, ā€œwhat are you sure will happen in 2019?ā€ I wanted to celebrate what we knew was happening rather than lament what might (not) happen. For 2019, I am sure that I will start a new co-op work term at the and that I will have my second chapbook published.

I write this blog post at the end of my third day at IDRC. I was quite giddy about this job over the winter break, mostly because you must be a Canadian citizen to work in the position. I was still a permanent resident during the job searches for my last two co-ops, so after getting my citizenship this summer, my job search opened up to the many positions that require Canadian citizenship. Being able to enter this space that I previously couldnā€™t is exciting.

IDRC funds research in developing countries, with a focus on partnering with local workers. Since working there, Iā€™ve come across work that they do in Pakistan, such as funding women-only spaces on public transit to make navigation easier for women.

Working in web writing and development has a surprising benefit for my poetry ā€” I am far stricter in editing and cutting down unnecessary content. I am a harsher critic, which makes my writing (both technical and creative) focused on the main subject.

As for the workplace itself, I have one lament: the microwave is four floors down from my office. However, the ten-minute walk to my new office from my apartment is a huge plus, and I suppose this makes up for the absent microwave. Copper Branch, the vegan restaurant in the building, is also a significant benefit of the job.

Starting a new job comes with a specific feeling that appears regardless of how many first-days-of-work you have. I felt nervous about the small things. How would I greet new people on my floor? Would I be given any tasks on my first day? How do I politely ask what my lunch break is like? When should I mention that I need to take time off in March to go to Toronto for my chapbook launch?

My second chapbook, Paper Doll, was accepted by Anstruther Press in the summer of 2018 and will be launched this March. Iā€™ve edited and polished the manuscript, invited friends to the March 1^st launch in Toronto, and am coming up with ideas for the cover. Anstruther is a pretty big Toronto-based press, and sometimes Iā€™m floored that my work will be joining their impressive line-up of poets, which includes Tess Liem, Klara du Plessis, Shazia Hafiz Ramji, Aaron Boothby, and more.

My first chapbookā€™s publisher, battleaxe press, is based in Ottawa where I currently live. Itā€™s fitting that my second chapbookā€™s publisher is in Toronto, a city that I first hated when I moved to Canada but have slowly come to love.

I have another big literary and visual arts project in the works. Iā€™m too superstitious to mention more about the project. I will say that ŠÓ°ÉŌ­““ professors were very helpful and responded promptly to my emails over the winter break.

The new year did come with some sorrowful news. Professor Marc Hewson passed away. I took ā€œWriting an English Essayā€ with him back in my first year. Iā€™ve continued to use his teachings in my 3^rd and 4^th year classes. He was a fantastic professor and his passing is shocking and saddening.

2019 has been pretty steady so far. Thanks to co-op extending my degree by a year, Iā€™ve escaped the graduation panic that has set in for many of my friends. The prospect of leaving the world of schooling that marks our entire lives is quite daunting. In addition to the worry of finding a job, we must contend with the loss of our student discount. From grocery shopping to visiting museums and using public transit, our lives are defined by being students. Iā€™m happy to put off this panic for another year. In the meantime, this may be the reason I consider grad school.

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Saturday, October 27^th: Halloweekend. With parties happening all over the city, where should one go? To the Ottawa International Writers Festival, of course. The night featured not one, but two powerful authors: Dionne Brand and Vivek Shraya.

Brand read from her new poetry collection, The Blue Clerk, followed by a one-on-one conversation with Adrian Harewood of CBC. The following quote from their exchange sums up how amazing it was to hear Brand speak:

ā€œWhat do you use language for?ā€

ā€œTo make the next moment different.ā€

Brand talked about her early education in a post-colonial Trinidadian school where she learned literature by rote. Sitting there, I was taken back to my similar schooling experience in Karachi. I didnā€™t realize then that literature and writing could be such a powerful tool for change because we focused so much on memorizing content and regurgitating it for the teacher. Now, studying literature in university means that literary analysis goes beyond surface elements of rhyme and meter.

After a poignant and hard-hitting talk by Brand, Vivek Shraya performed her song, ā€œIā€™m Afraid of Men,ā€ and read from her memoir of the same name. An interrogation of masculinity, the book takes as its point of departure Shrayaā€™s observation that when ā€œyou talk about fear, what the oppressors hear is hate.ā€

Both Brand and Shraya talk about the writerā€™s responsibility to push readers to think. The world, as Brand puts it, is full of racism, violence, oppression, and hate. Writing might not change that completely, but it can start a conversation. Shraya hopes this will happen with Iā€™m Afraid of Men, a work that seeks to show how we are all complicit in inequality and oppression fostered by assumptions that convene under the ethos of masculinity.

Language is a powerful instrument for change and going to the Writers Festival is always an eye-opening experience. I have a number of deadlines to focus on and tasks to get done, but I often take a few moments each day to think back to what both writers said that night. As Dionne Brand said, ā€œwriting is a decision between what is told and what is withheld.ā€

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Hello.

If you met me in person, I might say, ā€œHi, Iā€™m Manahil.ā€ Youā€™d reply, ā€œHi, Iā€™m ______.ā€ I might try to convince you to join the English Literature Society or In/Words. But weā€™re not meeting in person. Instead, I get to talk about myself.

My name is Manahil, and Iā€™m an English major at ŠÓ°ÉŌ­““. Iā€™ll be honest ā€“ I donā€™t know what year Iā€™m in at this point. I spent the last year ā€“ what should have been my third year ā€“ doing co-op. I took some third-year courses the summer before this one, and although I have third-year standing, I have had decent luck convincing professors to let me into fourth-year seminars (this probably doesnā€™t work as well if youā€™re a first-year student).

I have had an interesting year, to say the least. I worked two jobs that did not involve me slicing my finger on a mandolin. I was briefly free of the horrors of paying tuition. I published some work on a government platform. I published my first chapbook. I have written thousands upon thousands of words on wedding planning. I travelled to Vancouver by train. I became a Canadian citizen. I missed the second week of my third (?) year at ŠÓ°ÉŌ­““ for a family reunion.

And now I am (hopefully) back in Ottawa to stay. After not being in school for almost a full year, coming back to academia is rough. I feel like I am already behind on readings, just barely scrambling through assignments the morning of ā€“ a far cry from my first-year self that started writing papers weeks before they were due. I cannot rewrap my head around academic language ā€“ both my co-op placements involved writing as simply as possible.

Despite this, I am glad to be back. One of the fixtures of my first and second years at ŠÓ°ÉŌ­““ was the weekly Writerā€™s Circle sponsored by the English Literature Society. My weekly attendance dropped to ā€œmonthlyā€ and then dropped to ā€œrarelyā€ because I could not reach the circle in time after work.

Now I can rejoin the group of people I have grown close to over my time in English. These people have helped my writing grow over the years. I brought some of the earliest versions of the poems that are now in my chapbook to the circle. After my chapbook was published, one of the past co-presidents contacted me, saying she wanted to buy my chapbook. I am filled with joy at the way this group continues to support me so unconditionally. This fall, I will see one of the members publish her first novel (!).

Perhaps another reason I feel so at home in the English Department is the professors. Whether it is running into them at Black Squirrel Books or on a bike path in Vanier, English profs are dedicated, compassionate, friendly, and so on. (Disclaimer: I donā€™t know if professors read the Life in English blog as I write this.)

Being an English student at ŠÓ°ÉŌ­““ is more than reading Shakespeare and writing essays. It is internally cursing people who take the elevator in Dunton Tower to the third floor. It is wondering whether you can find your class in Mackenzie today. It is wondering why every event seems to happen on a Thursday when you have class.

Being an English student at ŠÓ°ÉŌ­““ is being home.

ŠÓ°ÉŌ­““ Manahil

Manahil Bandukwala is a fourth-year English major in the Co-op Program. She enjoys writing and painting. Her chapbook of poetry and illustrations Pipe Rose was published in 2018. She is currently an editor of In/Words, ŠÓ°ÉŌ­““’s in-house literary magazine. She enjoys crushing friends at Bananagrams, Scattergories, Boggle, and other word games.

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